Food Hangover

You can get a food hangover, a term my client coined this morning. I have felt like totally crap today with stomach pains, nausea and all kinds of other nasty elements. I don't think I have a flu or anything, but I do believe it has to do with the food on Sunday. Like most Americans, I went out to a sports bar to indulge in football and food. I had the staples: nachos, wings, fries. I felt fine yesterday but today has been an awful hell.

I will know if its food or not if it passes tomorrow...

Z and G Wedding

My two good friends, Z and G, got married over the weekend. It was the second wedding I got to be in, though it was mostly being an usher and running around doing things behind the scenes. The wedding was held at the Dayton Art Institute and was probably the most expensive wedding I've been involved with. G looked really amazing, probably the prettiest bride I've seen in person.

The wedding was full of personal touches which is nice. They displayed puzzles they had completed together all around the reception area, which was in the Gothic Cloister. G actually sung a song as part of her personal vows, personal vows are always nice if done well. It was definitely G's wedding, but Z's touch was on it too. They are a lot like though different enough that they don't clash too much, basically Z knows how to handle her.

I did have a lot of thoughts during the wedding though, like wow I really want to get married. It just reminded me of how lonely I can get without having someone to share with. I just deal with constant dead ends and jerk around, probably because I deal with the same people all the time. I need to go meet people, which is hard with basically working all week and my weekend is just hanging out with my friends. And another against my friends, but its not getting me to meet anyone.

And it also made me think about straight marriages versus gay marriages, like in how people view them. I'm pretty aware that if I'm able to marry, one day God willing, that it won't stir the same feelings in my family. I doubt most of my family would even go, but sure my friends would be there at least. Well maybe in some families its nothing different, but I think it will take a lot of time for that to happen. Like Generations, and so on....time heals all wounds or something.

G does have real Italian cousins though, one woman seemed to be straight out of my Cousin Vinny or the Jersey Shore.

Pictures in a Bathroom

I will eventually get the hang of taking better pictures, like London Preppy, but for now, this is all I got. So these were taking in the bathroom at my job at Anytime Fitness after I worked out, so somewhat at a peak pump.

I still have a long way to go, but I get one or two more readers now.

Our Lady of Endless High School Drama

So this is a rather complicated and personal post about my history with Church, so hopefully it will be worth reading for other people.

I have been born and raised in Christianity, and its been a rather mixed. I went to a Church of Christ since I was a part of this world, and also went to a baptist private school. Church of Christ is pretty laid back, there is no grand ceremonies or interesting rituals. Its also pretty conservative and literal of the bible, so no gays accepted Unitarianism here.

My mother was, still is, choir director at my church so it was something we did almost every Sunday. My dad wasn't as big on it, but he got the option of going or not, I didn't have that. I had to go to church, almost every Sunday, until I was 18. At that point, and actually before it, I was pretty much left to my own devices. So I am not one of those one people who is ignorant of the Christian faith, no I am better versed than most people, if not most average Christians.

I actually got my first kiss, at least first kiss that I consider a kiss, at a church camp. I used to have the biggest crush on this girl, blonde, funny, gravity inducing. And I was chubby, awkward kid so when she pulled me under the water in the pool and kissed me, it was pretty awesome. Church Camp is an odd environment really. You are get a bunch of young kids and teenagers aware from their parents but there is a moral confinement going on, so some of them act well and others...well we didn't act so well.

I never took any of it seriously, maybe because you hear it so much that it all becomes background noise at one point. I was never one of those Jesus kids, I went to camps and Sunday school because of my friends than the word of God. And maybe it had something to do with being "different", an unrealized 'mo, that I just never felt the connection with these people. No, a kid swinging on a swing set shouting the lyrics of Sex and Candy at a church camp is not really filled with the holy spirit. Or I was, I just found it all to be rather ridiculous. It might also be how I knew some of these kids quite well and it was all an act. The enchanting girl, that I shared an underwater kiss with, I grew up, and was quite aware of her active sexual life.

The one thing that I have learned, or have looked back on, is that Church is a lot like high school. You go there to learn but you often get sucked into personal drama and politics. You grow out of high school, but it grows out around you. At least that is how it was been at Spring Hill Church of Christ, a lot of drama.

I have felt empty for a few months, maybe even longer, and I am rather aware of what I was looking for. I know I was seeking some kind of spiritual fulfillment and for me that meant getting back a relationship with God. Of course, this brings up some obvious problems. First and most glaring, how do you reconcile being gay and being a Christian? I did my research and most verses that talk about "gays" is about sexual rituals in temples or the fact that men of time would get married and still carry with other men or boys. Does the bible ever talk about monogamous gay couples, no, because it wasn't a part of the society of the time. In the end, its about the personal connection with Jesus and not what someone else thinks about what a Christian can be or not be.

Anyway, so what was really bothering me about going back to church was the people there. I have grown up with these people and with some of them, it has been a hard road to toll. D.S' family is actually been the longest running and most overblown problem that I have with my church. These people really used to like me, then they found out I was gay, and it all sorta went down hill after that. They blame for basically anything D.S ever did wrong, especially when he end up dating a guy for 6 months. These are the people who would go to church and profess the love of Christ and then turn around and spit venom at me.

Church, at least mine, is a clique. Springhill basically a few powerful families that make the decisions, they all have family members that sit in positions of power. So instead of jocks, nerds, popular kids, its this family or that family. I suppose I am making it seem worse than what it is, but the human element of a church is hard to ignore. I mean the man who baptized me and was my pastor as a child, he ended up having an affair and getting kicked out of the church. I have seen a lot of human failing there, and doesn't inspire the best.

I could just go somewhere else but there is something comforting about it, it is like a home. You know the building, where everything is, and there are people who are happy to see you come back. It makes my mom happy, which is a nice added bonus.

The thing is, this is about me. I am going because I want this, that is the mind set I have to keep. It has made me feel good when I am there, so I will just do my best to keep it up.

In Brief

Totally not related to this post, Tim Tebow gets an endorsement deal with Jockey and apparently he prefers briefs to boxers. I am not sure if that means he is more likely to be gay or less, though this picture kinda makes me want to say, Fag.

I've been kinda too busy to work on things lately, and I am sure there were things to write about.

I got a new job, because even down economies can't keep me down. I basically just moved to another gym, finally gained a full time job, and have a female fitness competitor for a boss. She's cool, though she is more focused on her competitions right now than anything else so I pretty much do what I like. I really like some of my new clients, and was able to bring at least two of my old ones with me.

I could write about this patch of some kind of skin infection on my forearm, bu that would be gross and turn off the two readers I have now. Its healing anyway, so I can keep my arm.

FourSquare is really addicting and my new life goals are to be mayor of my job and the city where my gym is located. I have big dreams.

Found out I like Paramore, and that will probably gross out my only two readers too.

Started going back to Church, which I really should dedicate a blog too, its been a mixed bag. I enjoy going and being there and hearing it but it also makes me really anxious cause of all the drama and bad blood over the years with members there. Yea, thats a worth a blog.

Football Training Camps starts this week, so we are drawing ever closer to the beginning of the season. I need to make some picks this year for College and NFL, and see if they hold.

The Best Weekend? part 2

I meant to do this weeks ago but got busy with other things, mostly changing jobs.

Friday

I worked in the morning, then had my work out before meeting up with V. H and K. A. They are a lesbian couple, though V.H. used to be straight when I first met her. Funny enough, she thought I was cute and hit on me. I have had a few friends who were straight then went gay, though two of them are now backing to being straight...I was the best man for one of them. So anyway, we go to the mall and I'm looking for something to wear and end up with a Longhorn's Shirt. I guess because I didn't want to be another mo in a A&F shirt

My mood ends up crashing by the time we get dinner with C.M and I'm not sure why. I just got all quiet and overly polite, which I guess is different than most people who get moody and turn into a bitch. I just stared at a tv that showed some bizarre, mostly likely European thing, where women in bikinis and stuff octopus into their fishnets. Fucking weird.

So the night moves on, eventually my mood lightens up again. I basically tell myself to stop being a freak and will myself back to normal, and then going for a night swim kinda helped that. It only sucked cause these cold winds were blowing in rain now and then but its really cool to swim while its raining. I don't know why, it just is.

C.M. had no food in his house though, that sucked, since I'm someone who eats all the time.

Saturday

So we all get up and head out to Columbus, which is about an hour to hour and half drive. We started kinda late and took forever to get on the road, we had to buy food and all. We forget to buy drinks though, stupid.

Parade itself was fine, I enjoy it for what it was. I do find it increasingly odd how it all fits together anymore. You have politicians, churches, and families and then you have the float of S&M leather bears with one wearing some kind of dog tail butt plug. I am not going go on some kind of rant about it, its just a rather jarring image.

It hot and muggy, but nothing awful. I got a lot of t-shirt compliments and Hook Em horns signs; that was awesome. I wanted to fake I was from Texas but then I thought it was pretty childish to do so....stupid adult. The day was basically spent walking around, hotel was flipping sweet though. We did have to walk a ways to find the nearest UDF to buy some kind of liquor, Sparks and Mike's Hard for me. I hate beer, taste bad. Guess thats part of the gay gene for some, I know everyone else was fine with beer.

Saturday Night

So two storylines develop as the night goes on. I had talked to a friend of mine, M.C., about staying in the hotel room with me and my friends. I had texted him off and on through the day, I got messages back..usually. So when he was finally suppose to be off, I tried to figure out where he was to come to bring him back to the hotel. No replies or responses and I honestly haven't heard from him since then. I am not sure what happened but I feel like I should get some explanation for what happened.

Second one, which is really the major one, happened after we all went out to the bars. I was feeling good, I mean I hardly drink so it doesn't take much. I was wearing a shirt that says Kiss me I have superpowers, with a picture of Superman on it...not realizing it pretty much made everyone ask..oh what power or ask for a kiss. C.M. didn't really like it when I kissed some random guy, and honestly that was trashy on my part. V.H. buys me a shot of patron, and lets say that really starts the night going. I'm feeling good, thats the point of drinking.

C.M. wants to go to the bathroom and I go along, cause you don't let your friend go into the bar room of an unknown gay club alone. The bathroom is pretty... sleazy is the word. It felt kinda dirty and there was like a post board filled with naked pictures of dudes. C.M. and I are talking, though I'm being really open and flirty right now. He eventually tells me he likes me and was annoyed I would just kiss some random guy. So in order to pacify him, I kiss him though tell him I like as a friend. In hindsight, its a terrible idea. What the hell? Why would anyone do that?

The night turns pretty sour with C.M and K.A leaving to go back to the hotel cause they don't feel well or something. V.H. and I stay and drink, which ends up with me getting more shots of Patron. V.H. is good at getting me drunk, I only bought one for myself. I had great time otherwise, even though C.M. was in the back of my head. It gradually passed with each shot and having guys coming up to me.

I got into a really drunk and spirited debate about football to really top the night off. I got to go on about the Browns, Texas, Tebow and all for reasons I don't remember now. I know this one straight guy was impressed that I knew who the first pick of the draft was and then he proceeded to hit on V.H. all night. We ended up walking back to the hotel with a really drunk couple, that was some good times.

Sunday

Hangover, it sucked. It wasn't as bad as it probably should have been but I still felt awful at breakfast. By the way, Hilton has the best free breakfast in existence. You can make waffles, its awesome. It was mostly awkward between C.M. and I, cause I felt bad and wasn't sure what to say. The ride home was the same and we haven't really talked much since that weekend.

So was it the best weekend ever...not..a fun one..but no.

Two Face, You're a Two Face

Every since watching the Real Housewives of New Jersey, I can't think or say certain words without wanting to put a "Jersey" spin on it. The term two face is forever etched in my mind by Dina Manzo. I just picture not only the way she says it but them also how she pointed at her face then at Jackie's face, two faces.

So A.V. and I have not been getting along, I just get annoyed by the things he does and what he talks about. I really don't like talking to him cause it feels like he will blame me for doing things he used to do to me. If I say that though, he says something about I can't bring up that past stuff. So I get pissed off and don't want to speak to him.

I get a text like Tuesday morning, or I think at 2 am on Tuesday even though he knows I am asleep. The jist of the message is something about how bad things are between us and what we should do about it. I say, until tensions clear, lets just take a break from talking to one another. He seemed fine with that, at least he didn't say it bothered him.

On his Livejournal, cause this is 2002, he proceeds to go off about me and pretty much makes me look like a jerk. I'm kinda shocked cause he knows I can read his LJ and its not like he hid it from me...so why not just tell it to my face? Not to mention, who besides a tween girl goes off on someone on a Livejournal?

He deletes me from Facebook, so I guess that means its really over.

Two Faced, man...

Fun Texts 1

Me: And japan lost damn it, I am down to Portugal

He: Lol

Me: What are you up to now?

He: Nerkin lol

He: Jerkin*

....I don't think an lol should follow a masturbation text, maybe I am a prude.

Cancer

I will get into the Pride weekend later cause this is something that is on my mind.

I have a cancer, and its almost easier if it were the actual sickness. I would attack that with endless determination and ferocity, that is some evil and alien, that is something I can hate.

This is a cancer of a social variety, of people. I have a hard time dealing with that kind of cancer. I can't cut people out of my life like I could infected flesh. I don't have the personality to just push people away, so I usually hope they will break it off with me.

Its not always a virtue to be forgiving, its not always a virtue to give out a "second chance". I would like to think I could man up enough to put things to rest but I just hate the idea of hurting someone. It isn't like these people are evil or wrong, I just feel like they drag me down more than anything else. They don't enlighten my mood or my life, it just feels like a source of drama.

I shouldn't bitch, I should do something.

Cancer kills, and this kind has slowly damaged my social life and confidence.

Burning down the....Jesus?

I became famous! If by famous I mean I live 3 minutes up the road of something that became a national story. It is quite rare to live by a national icon, I imagine I know what its like now to live by the Eiffel Tower, Seattle Tower, Sears Tower, so on....towers are popular icons. The picture helps with some size reference, it was 62 ft high and oddly proportioned.

The giant Jesus statue, also known as Touchdown Jesus or Big Butter Jesus, was hit by a bolt of lightening and burned down. The statue was not made of stone, which I assumed, but foam and fiberglass. There is honestly nothing left of it but the steel frame underneath it.

Here's the video!

I enjoy the girl's incredibly deadpan voice, she sounds like Becky from Roseanne. I also get the impression she is probably one of those atheist people, as no Southern Ohio Christian girl would be that calm as Jesus burns in front of her.

And pretty much every major new source and website carried the story, I saw it on Drudge, Towleroad, Yahoo News, the Guardian, Fox News, and so on and on. See, and that all happened 3 minutes from my house.

So people might be wondering why I am not even more famous by taking a video of it and having my deadpan voice narrate the end of an iconic sculpture. I was sleeping, I slept through the entire thing.

And if you think this the end of the statue, you under estimate the money raising power of a mega-church. The Bishops, the couple that runs the church, have already begun to work on rebuilding it. I guess there are some true recession proof jobs...

The Best Weekend? part 1

So this came up yesterday when someone started chatting me up on Facebook, which is a feature I find to be annoying.

Him: Hey there, what are you doing this weekend? (This guy friended through mutual friends, so I don't know him that well)

Me: Oh I'm going to Columbus

Him: Oh what are you doing? (Though he probably knew what I was doing given where this conversation goes.)

Me: Going to Pride with some friends

Him: Oh thats like the best weekend

I kinda wanted to commit a hate crime, though since we are both gay it will just be a normal crime. I don't find Pride weekend to be the "best weekend" but I guess for some people it probably is. You have a sudden influx of hopefully attractive guys, a re-appearance of a once popular female singer from the 70's,80's, or 90's, and get to take in a parade. You also can dress like a slut in public and call it protest...or remembrance or something.

Not that I am one of these, "Oh Pride is awful and stupid." It has a point and it is usually a fun weekend. I just don't consider it the "best weekend."

The best weekend to me is the first weekend when you have college football on Saturday and then NFL on Sunday. I pretty much have my weekends set and I always at least have something to do, watch football. It usually ends up being a long weekend when you start getting college games on Thursday Night and NFL on Monday night.

This weekend is the second weekend of September, which is the second week of the College football season and the first week of the NFL.

I use a part 1 since I will do a post about Columbus after I get back, I can at least see where it rates.

Tired of Being Bored

Really tired of always feeling bored...

This is obviously a problem of my own making and there is something I could do about it, but I just find meaningless ways to keep occupied. I watch tv or reload the same web pages, but none of it makes me feel better. I just get kinda anxious and somewhat depressed.

I should have done something at the gym while it was open, or actually do some kind of real cleaning. I want too but I just have this weird feeling of malaise hanging over my body.

I should write something at least, blog post or some fiction. I just get this self defeated feeling about writing anymore, at least when it comes to fiction.

This was pointless, still bored.

Summer Boy

Yea I kinda fail in keeping this going on a consistent basis, but thats just typical with me and writing. I have no problem with ideas and thinking up things to write about; its just that part of actually writing it all down. So hopefully, I won't have too many moments of weakness like this but might as well warn because its going to happen. I mean it happens all the time over at Vividblurry....

So what have I been up to?

Well I went to Chicago about two weeks ago to see friends in the windy city and go to an anime con. Yes, I do go to geeky conventions a few times a year. I have met a lot of good people by doing it, and its like I dress up in costumes....anymore. I do really like Chicago and its a possible move spot, but I do have reservations about it. The cost of living is high, its very spread out, but I do have a semi safety net. Everyone wants me to move there but its not like I'm getting any offers to stay with anyone while I am looking for a place. Something is holding me back from making a full commitment to moving to Chicago, more so than other places on my list. Anyway. Chicago was a good time. I got to drink, but not as drunk as normal, and everyone was a joy to be around. The convention itself kind of suck though, nothing really worth speaking about.

YMCA is getting on my last nerves, its become a love hate relationship. I love how close it is to my house, love how I can pretty much do whatever I want, love that anymore its slow enough I can work out on my shifts if I want. I hate the terrible organization and management, I hate that my hard work is never going to rewarded with a raise, I hate having to take shifts from other people to get enough hours, I hate being a janitor most of the time I am working. I have been too busy, surprisingly enough, to go look for another job last week but this week it won't be the case. If nothing comes of it, I will pursue getting a second personal training certification. I just hate having to feel like I can only survive with my job and not really live.

I don't understand or get men, I really don't. I thought men would be a lot easier to read and manage than women. I must have been wrong. All of the men I have dealt with seem to be hot and cold, enough to keep me around but not enough for me to believe they honestly care about me. Jonathan doesn't really answer me back when I text or call but he does respond enough that I just don't give up. I might just be desperate I suppose. I'm not really sure what I should be doing about it. I don't have any dating history to fall back on, which has been the downside of never trying to date when I was younger.

My new lifting routine has been really enjoyable, I realize I have been way too much for way too long. That is why I haven't gained or progressed as much as I could have, chronically under-gaining due to not enough rest. I'm hopeful following more reasonable bodybuilding routines and obsessively following my diet, I will be able to make some real progress over the summer. Not that I haven't made progress over the years, just hopefully this will speed things along.

Maybe get me into my stripping side job sooner....

Beginnings and Endings

So part of why I got sidetracked over the weekend and earlier week, my life got a lot more complicated. I had tried to end a relationship in order to start a new one and that didn't happen. It turned into trying to save the old relationship, which right now seems good, and ending the new one before it got serious, which I kind of regret. I'm giving this one more chance, since I realize a lot of the problems were my own doing and I want to change that. I made the decision and I will fulfill it.

My cousin was killed in an accident on Monday, so thats a blow. Not that it hits me on a personal level, its just a tragedy. He had been a loser and drug addict for a long time and finally was getting himself together again. I guess its good he was able to redeem himself before he passed, even if it was short.

No such thing as wasting time, or shouldn't be.