Our Lady of Endless High School Drama

So this is a rather complicated and personal post about my history with Church, so hopefully it will be worth reading for other people.

I have been born and raised in Christianity, and its been a rather mixed. I went to a Church of Christ since I was a part of this world, and also went to a baptist private school. Church of Christ is pretty laid back, there is no grand ceremonies or interesting rituals. Its also pretty conservative and literal of the bible, so no gays accepted Unitarianism here.

My mother was, still is, choir director at my church so it was something we did almost every Sunday. My dad wasn't as big on it, but he got the option of going or not, I didn't have that. I had to go to church, almost every Sunday, until I was 18. At that point, and actually before it, I was pretty much left to my own devices. So I am not one of those one people who is ignorant of the Christian faith, no I am better versed than most people, if not most average Christians.

I actually got my first kiss, at least first kiss that I consider a kiss, at a church camp. I used to have the biggest crush on this girl, blonde, funny, gravity inducing. And I was chubby, awkward kid so when she pulled me under the water in the pool and kissed me, it was pretty awesome. Church Camp is an odd environment really. You are get a bunch of young kids and teenagers aware from their parents but there is a moral confinement going on, so some of them act well and others...well we didn't act so well.

I never took any of it seriously, maybe because you hear it so much that it all becomes background noise at one point. I was never one of those Jesus kids, I went to camps and Sunday school because of my friends than the word of God. And maybe it had something to do with being "different", an unrealized 'mo, that I just never felt the connection with these people. No, a kid swinging on a swing set shouting the lyrics of Sex and Candy at a church camp is not really filled with the holy spirit. Or I was, I just found it all to be rather ridiculous. It might also be how I knew some of these kids quite well and it was all an act. The enchanting girl, that I shared an underwater kiss with, I grew up, and was quite aware of her active sexual life.

The one thing that I have learned, or have looked back on, is that Church is a lot like high school. You go there to learn but you often get sucked into personal drama and politics. You grow out of high school, but it grows out around you. At least that is how it was been at Spring Hill Church of Christ, a lot of drama.

I have felt empty for a few months, maybe even longer, and I am rather aware of what I was looking for. I know I was seeking some kind of spiritual fulfillment and for me that meant getting back a relationship with God. Of course, this brings up some obvious problems. First and most glaring, how do you reconcile being gay and being a Christian? I did my research and most verses that talk about "gays" is about sexual rituals in temples or the fact that men of time would get married and still carry with other men or boys. Does the bible ever talk about monogamous gay couples, no, because it wasn't a part of the society of the time. In the end, its about the personal connection with Jesus and not what someone else thinks about what a Christian can be or not be.

Anyway, so what was really bothering me about going back to church was the people there. I have grown up with these people and with some of them, it has been a hard road to toll. D.S' family is actually been the longest running and most overblown problem that I have with my church. These people really used to like me, then they found out I was gay, and it all sorta went down hill after that. They blame for basically anything D.S ever did wrong, especially when he end up dating a guy for 6 months. These are the people who would go to church and profess the love of Christ and then turn around and spit venom at me.

Church, at least mine, is a clique. Springhill basically a few powerful families that make the decisions, they all have family members that sit in positions of power. So instead of jocks, nerds, popular kids, its this family or that family. I suppose I am making it seem worse than what it is, but the human element of a church is hard to ignore. I mean the man who baptized me and was my pastor as a child, he ended up having an affair and getting kicked out of the church. I have seen a lot of human failing there, and doesn't inspire the best.

I could just go somewhere else but there is something comforting about it, it is like a home. You know the building, where everything is, and there are people who are happy to see you come back. It makes my mom happy, which is a nice added bonus.

The thing is, this is about me. I am going because I want this, that is the mind set I have to keep. It has made me feel good when I am there, so I will just do my best to keep it up.

In Brief

Totally not related to this post, Tim Tebow gets an endorsement deal with Jockey and apparently he prefers briefs to boxers. I am not sure if that means he is more likely to be gay or less, though this picture kinda makes me want to say, Fag.

I've been kinda too busy to work on things lately, and I am sure there were things to write about.

I got a new job, because even down economies can't keep me down. I basically just moved to another gym, finally gained a full time job, and have a female fitness competitor for a boss. She's cool, though she is more focused on her competitions right now than anything else so I pretty much do what I like. I really like some of my new clients, and was able to bring at least two of my old ones with me.

I could write about this patch of some kind of skin infection on my forearm, bu that would be gross and turn off the two readers I have now. Its healing anyway, so I can keep my arm.

FourSquare is really addicting and my new life goals are to be mayor of my job and the city where my gym is located. I have big dreams.

Found out I like Paramore, and that will probably gross out my only two readers too.

Started going back to Church, which I really should dedicate a blog too, its been a mixed bag. I enjoy going and being there and hearing it but it also makes me really anxious cause of all the drama and bad blood over the years with members there. Yea, thats a worth a blog.

Football Training Camps starts this week, so we are drawing ever closer to the beginning of the season. I need to make some picks this year for College and NFL, and see if they hold.

The Best Weekend? part 2

I meant to do this weeks ago but got busy with other things, mostly changing jobs.

Friday

I worked in the morning, then had my work out before meeting up with V. H and K. A. They are a lesbian couple, though V.H. used to be straight when I first met her. Funny enough, she thought I was cute and hit on me. I have had a few friends who were straight then went gay, though two of them are now backing to being straight...I was the best man for one of them. So anyway, we go to the mall and I'm looking for something to wear and end up with a Longhorn's Shirt. I guess because I didn't want to be another mo in a A&F shirt

My mood ends up crashing by the time we get dinner with C.M and I'm not sure why. I just got all quiet and overly polite, which I guess is different than most people who get moody and turn into a bitch. I just stared at a tv that showed some bizarre, mostly likely European thing, where women in bikinis and stuff octopus into their fishnets. Fucking weird.

So the night moves on, eventually my mood lightens up again. I basically tell myself to stop being a freak and will myself back to normal, and then going for a night swim kinda helped that. It only sucked cause these cold winds were blowing in rain now and then but its really cool to swim while its raining. I don't know why, it just is.

C.M. had no food in his house though, that sucked, since I'm someone who eats all the time.

Saturday

So we all get up and head out to Columbus, which is about an hour to hour and half drive. We started kinda late and took forever to get on the road, we had to buy food and all. We forget to buy drinks though, stupid.

Parade itself was fine, I enjoy it for what it was. I do find it increasingly odd how it all fits together anymore. You have politicians, churches, and families and then you have the float of S&M leather bears with one wearing some kind of dog tail butt plug. I am not going go on some kind of rant about it, its just a rather jarring image.

It hot and muggy, but nothing awful. I got a lot of t-shirt compliments and Hook Em horns signs; that was awesome. I wanted to fake I was from Texas but then I thought it was pretty childish to do so....stupid adult. The day was basically spent walking around, hotel was flipping sweet though. We did have to walk a ways to find the nearest UDF to buy some kind of liquor, Sparks and Mike's Hard for me. I hate beer, taste bad. Guess thats part of the gay gene for some, I know everyone else was fine with beer.

Saturday Night

So two storylines develop as the night goes on. I had talked to a friend of mine, M.C., about staying in the hotel room with me and my friends. I had texted him off and on through the day, I got messages back..usually. So when he was finally suppose to be off, I tried to figure out where he was to come to bring him back to the hotel. No replies or responses and I honestly haven't heard from him since then. I am not sure what happened but I feel like I should get some explanation for what happened.

Second one, which is really the major one, happened after we all went out to the bars. I was feeling good, I mean I hardly drink so it doesn't take much. I was wearing a shirt that says Kiss me I have superpowers, with a picture of Superman on it...not realizing it pretty much made everyone ask..oh what power or ask for a kiss. C.M. didn't really like it when I kissed some random guy, and honestly that was trashy on my part. V.H. buys me a shot of patron, and lets say that really starts the night going. I'm feeling good, thats the point of drinking.

C.M. wants to go to the bathroom and I go along, cause you don't let your friend go into the bar room of an unknown gay club alone. The bathroom is pretty... sleazy is the word. It felt kinda dirty and there was like a post board filled with naked pictures of dudes. C.M. and I are talking, though I'm being really open and flirty right now. He eventually tells me he likes me and was annoyed I would just kiss some random guy. So in order to pacify him, I kiss him though tell him I like as a friend. In hindsight, its a terrible idea. What the hell? Why would anyone do that?

The night turns pretty sour with C.M and K.A leaving to go back to the hotel cause they don't feel well or something. V.H. and I stay and drink, which ends up with me getting more shots of Patron. V.H. is good at getting me drunk, I only bought one for myself. I had great time otherwise, even though C.M. was in the back of my head. It gradually passed with each shot and having guys coming up to me.

I got into a really drunk and spirited debate about football to really top the night off. I got to go on about the Browns, Texas, Tebow and all for reasons I don't remember now. I know this one straight guy was impressed that I knew who the first pick of the draft was and then he proceeded to hit on V.H. all night. We ended up walking back to the hotel with a really drunk couple, that was some good times.

Sunday

Hangover, it sucked. It wasn't as bad as it probably should have been but I still felt awful at breakfast. By the way, Hilton has the best free breakfast in existence. You can make waffles, its awesome. It was mostly awkward between C.M. and I, cause I felt bad and wasn't sure what to say. The ride home was the same and we haven't really talked much since that weekend.

So was it the best weekend ever...not..a fun one..but no.